When facing the junction in your life, we need to decide our path wisely. We don't have the experience, therefore we always need some help form senior and elderly, we need their wisdom. We afraid of making mistake, doubtful of our own choice, we need the motivation from our friends and family.
Undennialable, the decision i made in past lead to who am i now.
When making a decision, we not only required logical analyses skill, the COURAGE that we have is more important. As once we have made up our mind, we have to kick-start!
COURAGE is built up from past experience, we will be braver by passing every single challenge that we faced, no matter we have won or lost 'battle", happy or sad with the ending. It was just a life experience.
However, if we keep making mistake and always is the loser, we will lost our faith, our trust to ourself and even our COURAGE. When there is no motivation, encouragement from who we care, its hard for us to continue with the life journey.
The person who we care is always more influencial compared to the person who care for us, all is depends the way we think, our emotion and our instinct.
As in investment language : High risks high return. But for me, Great COURAGE in the correct path can lead to be Alexander the GREAT!
I required more courage when facing you, i'm afraid of making mistake, i'm afraid of did anything wrong.
I deeply hope that: One day, i will get the true-heart appreciation from you, appreciate my effort, appreciate my decision, appreciate me.
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Feelings. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas ? Christmas Eve?
This night, I am alone in the house.
After having lunch with aunty Amy, we (me, sis and bro) went back home.
Later, dad bring sis and bro went to his friends' place, and mum go to work , left me alone.
As usual, i feel so cold and chill being alone in the house, even though without air-cond. Maybe is the coldness of lonely.
Other stand sit in front of the TV, i have nothing else to do.
tick tock tick tock...clock's hand keep turning, and i fell asleep.
Without noticing the vibration of my hanphone, i received 6 missed call from sis and my dear each.
OH MY GOD!
This year, i will go through my CHRISTMAS with full of guilty.
because did not pick up the call from my dear...while she was not in the mood, while she need me...
GUILTY...my X'mas punishment!
After having lunch with aunty Amy, we (me, sis and bro) went back home.
Later, dad bring sis and bro went to his friends' place, and mum go to work , left me alone.
As usual, i feel so cold and chill being alone in the house, even though without air-cond. Maybe is the coldness of lonely.
Other stand sit in front of the TV, i have nothing else to do.
tick tock tick tock...clock's hand keep turning, and i fell asleep.
Without noticing the vibration of my hanphone, i received 6 missed call from sis and my dear each.
OH MY GOD!
This year, i will go through my CHRISTMAS with full of guilty.
because did not pick up the call from my dear...while she was not in the mood, while she need me...
GUILTY...my X'mas punishment!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
BIASISWA
之前申请的国立大学和Matrikulasi都被拒于千里之外，现在剩下的就是唯一的公共服务海外奖学金。被前两者拒绝，周遭的人都替我深感无奈，我亦有三分不忿，七分无奈。以我出色的成绩，要申请任何奖学金，照理来说应该不是问题，不过可惜咱们的社会偏偏帮亲不帮理，没理可言。。。
在等待的期间，我得知我被派到去蒲种区某国中的高三，这一刻，我就知道我被JPA录取的机率就大大减低了。大家都看好我会得到那奖学金，因为我成绩不错，而且我是申请会计系的，所以问题不大。
不过自己已经觉得放弃了，因为实在等太久。
成绩公布的那一天，之前虽然嘴边挂着已经放弃，不过，在我登入网页时，心里仍是紧张的。。。心里在想万一拿不到应该怎样？
还没来得及给自己答案，就看着电脑荧幕上那粗体及划线的字眼—tidak dapat 。。。
我的心凉了一截。。。
我，陈伟豪，一名在国家教育文凭中考取十二个甲等的考生竟然拿不到公共服务海外奖学金。我无言。。。脑袋放空。。。失望的感觉，麻木了，真的真的无言了。。。
在面子书公告天下后，好想很讽刺的仰天长啸，好想尽情的大骂秽语。。。我压抑自己，压抑感性的我，理性地我在耳边细语“这不正是你早已预料好的结果吗？没必要去失望。 ”
两位长辈安慰我，不必感到失望难过，理性的我也在说服者自己，因为这是我们的系统出了问题。
我仍在强忍着，压抑着，一切似乎早已习惯。。。麻木。。。
回到家，告知了爸爸，他在天台冷冷的回应~
失败了就要放弃咩？去找马华，找政治人物啦。。你要知道，到你没有做工 时，钱是有出没有进的。。。你要懂哦，那三年的学费我是没有办法给你的哦。。。你自己要想，爸爸的情况是怎样。。。
这时，
泪在眼眶打转，
我从天台离去，
不继续与爸爸的对话。。冲凉去~~
门一关上，泪水夺眶而出，稀里哗啦的，原来我还是很介意的。我介意我被所有申请拒于门外，我介意爸爸的那番话，我介意没人了解我，我介意。。。这一切的一切我都很介意。。。
从小到大，我成绩一直都不错；到了中学，我也只拿过第一第二名。。。从来不曾要两个老得替我担心。我一直努力，很努力很努力去做好本分，也没特别要求什么奖赏，我也从来没和他们硬硬要求要学任何才艺或去补习，因为我很清楚家里是什么情况。。。
爸妈感情阴晴不定。。。
家里经济不好。。。
自己还有一个弟弟和妹妹。。。
所以我知道，身为长子的我，要有本事找吃，因为爸妈也不能再工作多少年。。。
所以我懂，我要计划好我的将来，自懂事以来，我不敢奢望，甚至觉得我根本没那资格去想我要做医生律师，因为家里根本没有办法供我上大学或学院，惟有考取奖学金。。。
所以我都有想过，这些我都有想过 。。。
我得选择。。。不曾得到谅解。。。换来的是，
绝望
失落
孤独
一大堆的责问
愿时间停留，让我长不大，让我没忧愁，让我不必把自己伪装起来，带着面具，嘻皮笑脸。。。
*宝贝，我会很快就爬起来的，我需要你的耐心，这就够了。。。。。。。。。
在等待的期间，我得知我被派到去蒲种区某国中的高三，这一刻，我就知道我被JPA录取的机率就大大减低了。大家都看好我会得到那奖学金，因为我成绩不错，而且我是申请会计系的，所以问题不大。
不过自己已经觉得放弃了，因为实在等太久。
成绩公布的那一天，之前虽然嘴边挂着已经放弃，不过，在我登入网页时，心里仍是紧张的。。。心里在想万一拿不到应该怎样？
还没来得及给自己答案，就看着电脑荧幕上那粗体及划线的字眼—tidak dapat 。。。
我的心凉了一截。。。
我，陈伟豪，一名在国家教育文凭中考取十二个甲等的考生竟然拿不到公共服务海外奖学金。我无言。。。脑袋放空。。。失望的感觉，麻木了，真的真的无言了。。。
在面子书公告天下后，好想很讽刺的仰天长啸，好想尽情的大骂秽语。。。我压抑自己，压抑感性的我，理性地我在耳边细语“这不正是你早已预料好的结果吗？没必要去失望。 ”
两位长辈安慰我，不必感到失望难过，理性的我也在说服者自己，因为这是我们的系统出了问题。
我仍在强忍着，压抑着，一切似乎早已习惯。。。麻木。。。
回到家，告知了爸爸，他在天台冷冷的回应~
失败了就要放弃咩？去找马华，找政治人物啦。。你要知道，到你没有做工 时，钱是有出没有进的。。。你要懂哦，那三年的学费我是没有办法给你的哦。。。你自己要想，爸爸的情况是怎样。。。
这时，
泪在眼眶打转，
我从天台离去，
不继续与爸爸的对话。。冲凉去~~
门一关上，泪水夺眶而出，稀里哗啦的，原来我还是很介意的。我介意我被所有申请拒于门外，我介意爸爸的那番话，我介意没人了解我，我介意。。。这一切的一切我都很介意。。。
从小到大，我成绩一直都不错；到了中学，我也只拿过第一第二名。。。从来不曾要两个老得替我担心。我一直努力，很努力很努力去做好本分，也没特别要求什么奖赏，我也从来没和他们硬硬要求要学任何才艺或去补习，因为我很清楚家里是什么情况。。。
爸妈感情阴晴不定。。。
家里经济不好。。。
自己还有一个弟弟和妹妹。。。
所以我知道，身为长子的我，要有本事找吃，因为爸妈也不能再工作多少年。。。
所以我懂，我要计划好我的将来，自懂事以来，我不敢奢望，甚至觉得我根本没那资格去想我要做医生律师，因为家里根本没有办法供我上大学或学院，惟有考取奖学金。。。
所以我都有想过，这些我都有想过 。。。
我得选择。。。不曾得到谅解。。。换来的是，
绝望
失落
孤独
一大堆的责问
愿时间停留，让我长不大，让我没忧愁，让我不必把自己伪装起来，带着面具，嘻皮笑脸。。。
*宝贝，我会很快就爬起来的，我需要你的耐心，这就够了。。。。。。。。。
Monday, May 17, 2010
11/5/10 星期二
今日在学校里，朋友，阿玮买了个三文治给我，味道普通，写下来是为了提醒自己还没还钱给人。。呵呵。。
今日在办公室没什么特别的事发生~~~~~~~~
回到家，边看ThomasCup羽球赛边吃晚餐，这一场是大马对垒日本队。。。结果令人大跌眼镜，大马男子队以二比三败北，连区区一个日本队都打不赢，那怎么还有希望重夺十八年前的荣誉呢？
随后就去叫补习，每次取这里教都要把脾气忍着，事关这里某些中学生的态度比小学生还恶劣，不过那某某是大家的朋友，所以惟有加厚自己的面具咯。。。一直嬉皮笑脸。。。
那某某学生，我在教，大家在听，他在传简讯；大家明白了，我给练习，他又投诉他不明白；我惟有在教多一次咯，这样就浪费了大家的时间。。。
如果自己没那个本事一心二用，就省下来啦，一你就乖乖上课，二你就给我有酱远死酱远。。。少叫你一个我就少赚点咯，没关系的，等下搞到自己将年轻就有心脏病就不好，多多钱都医不好啊。。。
教完了补习我就买夜宵回去给弟弟和爸爸。不过弟弟睡了，我就一人吃两人分咯。。。等下胖胖！！
今日在办公室没什么特别的事发生~~~~~~~~
回到家，边看ThomasCup羽球赛边吃晚餐，这一场是大马对垒日本队。。。结果令人大跌眼镜，大马男子队以二比三败北，连区区一个日本队都打不赢，那怎么还有希望重夺十八年前的荣誉呢？
随后就去叫补习，每次取这里教都要把脾气忍着，事关这里某些中学生的态度比小学生还恶劣，不过那某某是大家的朋友，所以惟有加厚自己的面具咯。。。一直嬉皮笑脸。。。
那某某学生，我在教，大家在听，他在传简讯；大家明白了，我给练习，他又投诉他不明白；我惟有在教多一次咯，这样就浪费了大家的时间。。。
如果自己没那个本事一心二用，就省下来啦，一你就乖乖上课，二你就给我有酱远死酱远。。。少叫你一个我就少赚点咯，没关系的，等下搞到自己将年轻就有心脏病就不好，多多钱都医不好啊。。。
教完了补习我就买夜宵回去给弟弟和爸爸。不过弟弟睡了，我就一人吃两人分咯。。。等下胖胖！！
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Brain
At this moment ,i have no mood to blog...
Maybe too much braincells die...dead
Use too much brain...Stuck...
Where is the plumber or the mechanic...or technician...i do not need doctor...
Maybe too much braincells die...dead
Use too much brain...Stuck...
Where is the plumber or the mechanic...or technician...i do not need doctor...
27 April 2010 (1)
Today is my big day ... What big day...My driving test day ! It sounds small...but BIG..
Yesterday night i had nightmare twice...both are related to driving and vehicles but i forgot what happen in my dream...
I go to my driving school...PERFECT Driving Academy...to take the documents and wait for the arrival of JPJ to register...As usual ,the government staffs come after one hour as stated...We all, about 100 people have for 1 hour...as expected...My heartbeat become slower as time flow...does not mean that i am dieing but i feel less nervous...
Since I take both B2 and D class driving license test...So we take the first round of B2 test...Handling a motorcycle is just easy for me...although some mistake during emergency brake...but i still pass...so happy...
But now only the test start ! The D class test...In my mind, i keep thinking that i didn't give any coffee money ,so even how well i did, i will not pass...so i am nervous...because the money and the time i had spend here...although its not a lot...but ...well you know...i don't want take a repeat test...
It is now my turn to drive the car...after a while of break...the hill test, side-parking,and three-point-turn...
-Hill test...my document is not found ...but i already in the car on the hill...yet i need to come out from the car because without it i couldn't take the test...i went out and luckily one of the instructor send my document here...so I continue the test...
-Side-parking...the car i drove is extremely silent...when the car is in reverse gear ,i slowly remove the clutch....but it didn't move...i try and try ...and i accidentally pull out the car key...luckily the JPJ officer do not notice about it when busy dealing with other candidate...so I continue the test...
-Three-point-turn...nothing happen...just ok...
Yeah ! I pass all of the three test and now is the last section...On the road...
I completed B2 and D(1) within 1 hour...but i have to wait for the last section for about one and a half hour...damn long...tired...and boring
When my turn to go ...I go into the car...do all the required stuff...then i slowly release the clutch and let the car move...but the car stop and the engine~ ~...hehe you know
I try for the second time...when i try to release the clutch again...the JPJ officer remind me ...HANDBRAKE....oops, i forget about it...no wonder the car didn't move...
Move the car...drive it...it just normal along the road...come back...and i PASS.....
WoW ,I pASS mY tEST...I wILL hAVE mY oWN dRIVING lICENSE...and i can fetch my girlfriend to where ever we or she want to go...and also my family membersssss.....HappY~~~
Yesterday night i had nightmare twice...both are related to driving and vehicles but i forgot what happen in my dream...
I go to my driving school...PERFECT Driving Academy...to take the documents and wait for the arrival of JPJ to register...As usual ,the government staffs come after one hour as stated...We all, about 100 people have for 1 hour...as expected...My heartbeat become slower as time flow...does not mean that i am dieing but i feel less nervous...
Since I take both B2 and D class driving license test...So we take the first round of B2 test...Handling a motorcycle is just easy for me...although some mistake during emergency brake...but i still pass...so happy...
But now only the test start ! The D class test...In my mind, i keep thinking that i didn't give any coffee money ,so even how well i did, i will not pass...so i am nervous...because the money and the time i had spend here...although its not a lot...but ...well you know...i don't want take a repeat test...
It is now my turn to drive the car...after a while of break...the hill test, side-parking,and three-point-turn...
-Hill test...my document is not found ...but i already in the car on the hill...yet i need to come out from the car because without it i couldn't take the test...i went out and luckily one of the instructor send my document here...so I continue the test...
-Side-parking...the car i drove is extremely silent...when the car is in reverse gear ,i slowly remove the clutch....but it didn't move...i try and try ...and i accidentally pull out the car key...luckily the JPJ officer do not notice about it when busy dealing with other candidate...so I continue the test...
-Three-point-turn...nothing happen...just ok...
Yeah ! I pass all of the three test and now is the last section...On the road...
I completed B2 and D(1) within 1 hour...but i have to wait for the last section for about one and a half hour...damn long...tired...and boring
When my turn to go ...I go into the car...do all the required stuff...then i slowly release the clutch and let the car move...but the car stop and the engine~ ~...hehe you know
I try for the second time...when i try to release the clutch again...the JPJ officer remind me ...HANDBRAKE....oops, i forget about it...no wonder the car didn't move...
Move the car...drive it...it just normal along the road...come back...and i PASS.....
WoW ,I pASS mY tEST...I wILL hAVE mY oWN dRIVING lICENSE...and i can fetch my girlfriend to where ever we or she want to go...and also my family membersssss.....HappY~~~
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Choice
Oh my god ! I have so many homeworks need to finish ! I already start my tertiary school life in EU institute , taking LCCI Diploma...at PJ, Selangor
Many people think that it will be such a waste for excellent student like me to choose accounting, for them, they i think i should choose science or medicine or others related study... But this is my life, do not tell me what should and shouldn't i do...
Being human is just to make mistake and improve ...so let me be what I want to be... Our lives shouldn't control by others...I become a excellent student is because i choose to listen to teacher, i choose to be responsible, i choose to learn, i choose to use my brain...
Don't forget, I am a teenager, i can be sucks likes others... i can say bad words in every sentences i speak out, i can go hang out every day in shopping mall...i can do others stuff as other teenagers but i CHOOSE to not doind its...I might not be matured enough ,but every single human being have brain...and i choose to use my brain to think...
The most important is my father teach me how to think...Thanks dad...You have teach me a lot, but i still have a lot to learn from you...you might not success in your career , but you are the greatest dad...not because of you buy us a lot of toys, full-fill our every single wish, but you teach us how to think and choose...
Many people think that it will be such a waste for excellent student like me to choose accounting, for them, they i think i should choose science or medicine or others related study... But this is my life, do not tell me what should and shouldn't i do...
Being human is just to make mistake and improve ...so let me be what I want to be... Our lives shouldn't control by others...I become a excellent student is because i choose to listen to teacher, i choose to be responsible, i choose to learn, i choose to use my brain...
Don't forget, I am a teenager, i can be sucks likes others... i can say bad words in every sentences i speak out, i can go hang out every day in shopping mall...i can do others stuff as other teenagers but i CHOOSE to not doind its...I might not be matured enough ,but every single human being have brain...and i choose to use my brain to think...
The most important is my father teach me how to think...Thanks dad...You have teach me a lot, but i still have a lot to learn from you...you might not success in your career , but you are the greatest dad...not because of you buy us a lot of toys, full-fill our every single wish, but you teach us how to think and choose...
Blogging~~
Everyday...at this moment ...usually i am blogging...
I wrote ~~
Express
Recently,
I am posting the LOve StoRy of me and my girlfriends...
I do this because I know our brain memory is not enough to store what we had been gone through...
Because,
She is my first and my third girlfriend until now...and the last until the end of my life
Why?
just keep following our LOve StoRy...
I wrote ~~
What happen in my life ...
What is my feelings ...
Who is me ...
Where is me ...
Express
myself ...
Expressthe true Tan Wei Hoa ...
Express the me unknown by others ...
Recently,
I am posting the LOve StoRy of me and my girlfriends...
I do this because I know our brain memory is not enough to store what we had been gone through...
Because,
She is my first and my third girlfriend until now...and the last until the end of my life
Why?
just keep following our LOve StoRy...
Thursday, April 22, 2010
A very early morning
Today i suppose in a good mood to post my love story...
BUT everything changed!!
I ask my student to go upstairs to take his exercise book...
Then he said haaa?I haven't eat my breakfast yet?
5 minutes before he said that...he is playing his skateboard...
I ask Why never eat your breakfast?Since you came for a long time already...
Then he get angry and say My mother never prepare for me...just know how to neg neg neg...
HEY,that is what secondary school form 1 student said! So dependant like a cute baby...and yet he want to act macho...Luckily my EQ damn high...if not...I will go and punch and kick him already...How dare a stupid talk to me like that...i am black belt in TAEKWONDO...do you know that? Stupid!!
Why keep calling him stupid?
If clever boy need to tuition mie?
If clever boy need to tuition mie?
If clever boy want to act cute or act macho...is ok for me...as long as he full-fill the system in Malaysia...which is academic-based society...But the stupid is stupid...hehe
If clever boy you can not listen to me...because you are clever...
How consider as clever?
Dear...S and P Club member:
If you can get a total of 27 A's in or more than that UPSR,PMR and SPM ...you can consider clever...if not sorry....you are a very dumb stupid STUPID...
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